I still remember the year.
It was 2011, December.
I still remember the feeling.
I had lost two of my family members in October, 2011 and the two months since then were quite a journey.
And then one day, I was like, I need something more than diary entries and poems to contain this feeling.
But I was afraid of being judged.
So, I just googled, “synonyms for peace in the midst of chaos”, and chose a pen-name, Ataraxissoul.
It gave me the luxury to share without hesitation.
And I haven’t stopped myself ever since.
Writing has always been an escape or a haven for me.
I write when I’m frustrated, elated, flabbergasted, depressed, confused, or even when I don’t feel like writing. I guess it’s just my thing. (Why I Write?)
That’s why today I thought to cherish this journey and pick 10 posts of the lot that are close to me, and why.
Firsts are always special. This was my first post, and it succinctly shows what I felt at that moment.
That day, I was at peace, but somehow I could relate that silence with the one I felt in a graveyard (Cremation place).
The silence in a graveyard creeps you out. When fire makes that cracking sound to complement that silence, you feel empty and terrified.
Whereas the silence you feel in your mother’s lap, or your god’s abode, fills you with hope and love.
Girls are special.
In India, we even worship small girls during Navaratri (Hindu’s holy days) for their blessings.
And we have a lot of goddesses we pray to for bestowing us with wisdom and riches.
But, still, when I got to know the state of female foeticide in my country, it boiled me down.
And I wrote a poem from a fetus’s point of view who is praying not to be aborted.
This poem always reminds me of the state of our society and how hypocrite our society is. And maybe it will also show you how our practices like dowry (now called as traditions, culture, whatever) and terms like paraya dhan adds to this situation.
Friendships and relationships are those important parts of our life that we can’t live without.
But, still, often when a phase changes, we lose contact with people who once filled our world.
The same happened to me until one morning I woke up with a question that why the hell I’m not in touch with three of my good friends?
And though I could have rationalized many things, I didn’t and messaged all three of them, “Hey, it has been a while, How are you?”
Maybe it was my subconscious working in the early minutes of waking up. But I’m glad it did what it did.
2 of them not only replied but also asked to meet and I realized, sometimes small things can make such an enormous difference in our life but we just hesitate from taking an action.
Are you also thinking about that lost relationship and why it happened? Maybe this poem will help you understand.
Prakriti ka Bulava (Nature’s Call) – Hindi Poem
I have a special spot in my heart for all the public toilets because of a weak spot (I had) in my stomach. It often got upset while travelling.
And one day, while I was driving, I got the call.
In the middle of traffic.
In the middle of a rainstorm.
And the poem tells what transpired afterward.
When I was a child, I was fat, introvert, shy and not good at anything, be it sports or academics.
And when you are a bundle of these things, life is not normal. You are always the mickey in the room.
Everyone wants to poke you and have some fun.
This poem I wrote for all those kids who felt like not being Normal. What is this normal anyway?
Bullyism in any form is bad. And if you are on the receiving end, stay strong, my friend. You are better than their normal.
2017 was a mixed bag for me.
I mean, 2017 was like hell. A dark place with fire all around. Yeah, it literally happened.
And what you do in hell?
This post has all my lessons written in a poetic form that I like the most, Haiku.
If you are like what’s a haiku, see this.
Religion is something that we are served on a holy platter when we are born. But for me, religion is something else.
Just like true love, you know when you find your religion.
I found mine, and this post reminds me of that day.
We all have dreams, don’t we?
But, still, this life snatches the time away from us, one second a second.
And that’s why it’s not a surprise that not living your life for your own is one of the biggest regrets in the old age.
But besides being busy, what snatches away our dreams from us is Procrastination. Or in words of Steven Pressfield, Resistance.
This post helped (as a catalyst) two of my friends to take actions on their dreams, and I hope it helps you too.
Trips are close to our hearts. They not only rejuvenate us but also teach us valuable lessons that we couldn’t have learnt in our busy life.
On such one trip to Auli, Himachal Pradesh, I learned and rediscovered what friendship is all about while we were trekking.
And whenever I read this travelogue, I reminisce about those snow-draped mountains that greeted me with their arms open.
We live in a society of expectations that start from our birth.
If you are born a boy, the expectation of bringing glory to the name of the family. (I know, it’s a shame that it happens and creates a difference between boys and girls)
If you are good in studies, the expectations of teachers and relatives.
Any expectation, when breaks, hurts.
But when your own expectation from you breaks, that’s a hell lot of pain.
It breaks you from inside.
Sometimes you find yourself in a space where nothing makes sense and all you want is an escape.
I had been in that space and that’s where I found what can be done to come out.
It helped me a lot. I hope it helps you too.
It was all Black (Bonus: I couldn’t choose just 10)
This post is about a nightmare. A nightmare that felt as brutal as hell. A nightmare that happened in real.
There are moments in life where even tears refuse to come out. It was one such moment for me, but writing this post helped me have a closure.
The closure came as I had a tear in my eye while I was writing it.
Well, the list is yours now to read or not to read. These might not be my best posts, but they have a part of my life in them.
Please comment if any post helps you or makes you laugh.
I will feel good. 🙂
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